As you may have noticed, I have been stepping through a lot of my own fear recently, and encouraging you to come along with me for the journey. As I discover every day, sometimes just making the commitment, setting up an action plan, and having accountability partners, to make sure I don’t step back into my old patterns, is enough.   Before I even take my first step, my world is flooded with fabulous change.

If I have not yet been able to convince you to give it a try (yes, I know it is hard!) maybe I can this week.   JUST DO IT!

We hold on to our fears so strongly, that when things are not going well in our lives, we tend to draw into ourselves even more deeply, creating a comforting cocoon around us.  It feels safer to stay in the unhappiness than to take a step into the unknown. Why? Because we know what the bad feels like. It is familiar, and as strange as it sounds, there is something comforting in staying in the familiar, even when it is bad. 

I spoke to a woman recently who had reached out for help. She feels she has failed to develop a good relationship with her older daughter, and fears she is going down the same road with her younger daughter. We spoke of several things she could do to shift their current relationship, and to start rebuilding the bridge to the relationship she wants with her daughter. 

When I reached out a few weeks later to see how she was doing, she told me everything was fine, and she and her daughter were all good. I knew this was not the truth. My gift of intuition allows me to clearly feel and see what is really going on. This is not always a blessing, and sometime a little scary for my clients. On the other hand, they know they never need to lie, or act like the truth is better than it is.  I already know what’s going on, so we don’t need to waste our time on what I call our “pretend reality”.  We can just face what we have come to heal, and work together to make it better.

This woman was not the first I have encountered who is not yet ready to admit her pain, and take the steps needed towards healing her relationship with her daughter.

I don’t blame her, it is HARD. It is hard to admit you may have made some mistakes, that you are not perfect, that life is not perfect or the way I always imagined it to be. I know this because I have had to admit all of this to myself over the last few years.

I challenge you to sit in the pain of whatever is unwanted in your reality and make a choice to change it. It is HARD, UNPLEASANT, SCARY, PAINFUL and so much more. So why did I do it? Why did I step through the door and commit to getting help and working with my coach? Because I woke up one day and realized that I really only had two options. I could go on as I had for years, pretending everything was okay.  I could keep putting forth a picture to the outside world that all was good.  The truth was that from the outside, for the most part, things looked great, and no one would know the difference.  The other option was to go deep and admit that a lot was wrong.  If I truly wanted to be happy and live the life I was meant to live, I HAD to step through the fire.   There was no other way.   I had to admit- even if it was only to myself and my coach – that I needed help, that I could not do it alone, and that I desperately wanted things to change.

When it comes to our own life we have a lifetime to wake up and make a change. When it comes to our daughters, although it is never too late, the truth is that there is more at stake.

During the teen years our girls are learning and deciding who they are in this world, who they are going to be, and what kind of relationships they are going to have with the people in their lives.  They demonstrate this more than anything in their relationship with you!

The relationship with YOU as their mother is a pretty accurate reflection of how they see themselves and the world around them.

If things are not right and they need to change – how long are you going to wait? What is the cost you and your daughter will be paying?

Whatever you do, and however you choose to do it, (there is not one answer or solution) don’t wait. Do it now!

I waited too long (although some would say things happen exactly when they should).  Give yourself the gift of action. I, and others, am here to support you in taking this scary step.

But I promise you the reward for the investment of hard work is great.

Standing with you and for you for to have the relationship you want with your daughter.

Much Love and Support

Tova