As women, we spend a lot of our time caring for others. This is partially because it is our nature to nurture and support, and partially because of society’s expectations.

As I reflect back on my life, I spent many years disregarding my own needs and desires in service of supporting other people. Supporting their vision, caring for their needs, and just making sure that they were happy.

I am not complaining.  I did it with love, and out of a deep sense of commitment. But even coming from a good place, there was a price I paid. I spent a lot of time making sure others were happy, cared for, loved and appreciated.  What I did not do was make sure that I was getting the same in return. I know I am not alone in my story. For some, this happens because they simply put others first and run out of time for themselves.  For others, it comes from a deep place of commitment.  And for some, from a need to fulfill others’ expectations and to live up to the ideal of what they believe they need to be.

For me it was different. Somewhere in my childhood, I decided that my needs were not important, and that in fact I did not deserve to have needs. What was going on with others was always more important than I was. It does not matter what was really happening in my life at the time (remind you I have a very loving and supportive family). All that matters is the way I interpreted my reality as a young girl, and how I integrated that perception into my sense of who I was. I then went through life proving this to be true. Why? Because that is simply what we do.

It took many years and a lot of work for me to realize a few important things:

1. I have needs too, and they too deserve to be met.

2. If I do not take care of myself, I will fail at caring and being present for others.

It can be a challenge changing our old patterns (after all they have been with us for a long time). And when we try to change, our resistance with inevitably show up and try to convince us that change is not necessary. Why? Because change can be HARD.

I know because I work on it every day.

What I want for you is more. I want you to be able to be present for yourself and to be present for your daughter .  When you are happy, you literally radiate positive energy to all those around you. Whether they see it or not, it is contagious. However, this also means that if you are off- balance, so is the rest of your family.

So what can you do? Start caring for yourself today! Take the time to do things that make you happy and fill your cup. I know you are busy, you have a lot on your plate. Trust me – taking care of you will change your life! You will be more present, have a greater capacity to care for others and you will be a lot happier.

When I started training for my half marathons, I did not believe taking an hour out of my already busy day would actually create more time in my day – it did and it does.

I am not telling you to start training for half marathons today (well, maybe a little – if you want to know why, ask me).  What I am saying is, find the self-care practices that work best for you, and put one on your calendar  EVERY day! Make it non-negotiable, like picking the kids up from school and making a work meeting.  For you to support others, you truly need to support yourself first!

If you want some help and advice on how to get started,  reply to this email – I am ready and waiting to help.

Sending you Much Love and Support,

Tova