When I was a young girl, nothing annoyed me more than being told I could not do something because I was a girl. I remember, as if it was yesterday,that after giving my Bat Mitzvah speech, my aunt came up to me and said “ You spoke so beautifully and intelligently, just like a boy.” I was furious. To me, this was not a compliment! I now know that she meant well and, to her, this was a genuine compliment and expression of love.
In the last couple of years, we have seen more and more ad campaigns attempting to raise our awareness to the ways in which references to being a girl have been used as an insult or a limitation. These ads are making an attempt to change the narrative. One of my favorites is “Like a girl” followed by “Like a girl- unstoppable” that was created as part of an Always campaign. What this ad demonstrates to me is how we should be speaking to girls and about them, and how we should be teaching them to look at themselves.
The good news is that the world is changing. We, as women, are claiming back our power and we are raising a generation of girls that no longer accepts these limitations. Or are we? Despite all that has changed and is changing, even the most aware of us keep finding ourselves falling into old patterns that denigrate women.
I would like to encourage you to notice the following things as you go through your day:
When you talk to your daughter, I want you to notice two things:
1. When you give her a compliment, how often does it have to do with her looks or external appearance? Do you encourage her to be herself,even if that includes a tree climbing, bike riding, martial arts loving, dirt producing activity?
2. When you are disciplining her, or giving her a warning before she goes out to play, are you holding her to a different standard than your son? Do you worry about her getting dirty, being wild and un-lady like? When she is focused on winning, do you try to lower her expectations? When she has a clear opinion, do you see her as demanding and bossy?
And when you look at yourself and how you are showing up, what kind of model are you for your daughter? Notice yourself in two areas:
1. What are your unconscious behaviors when it comes to things like asking for a raise at work, or declining a promotion because of a potential problem in the unforeseeable future?
2. What is the narrative in your head about what you can or cannot achieve, and what your limitations are? How many of your “stories” are self-inflicted, and how many come from societal expectations? Take a close look and you may find some surprises.
I believe that the real work needs to be done is with each of us as a woman. It is time for us to look at ourselves, at the inner narrative and dialogue we are having every day. It is time to recognize how we create our own limitations and how we pass them on to our daughters. As we become more aware, changing ourselves first by stepping out of our self-sabotaging behaviors, we will then be able to really make a difference in our daughters lives, and raise a new generation of confident fully actualized young women!
