We are deep into the summer, and I am hearing from many of you that things are starting to get overwhelming. Whether you are at home with the kids or still going off to work, there is something about the summer with it’s organized chaos (or hopefully organized) that brings on another layer of added stress.
I know you may be spending more quality time as a family and going off to visit family, and hopefully somewhere in there you have left some time for rest.
Being on vacation and taking part in family activities and time with your relatives can bring a lot of pleasure, coming together and creating new memories, enjoying old traditions and coming up with ideas for new ones. Yet for some, this time of year, leaving the everyday routine behind, can also be filled with challenges for a variety of reasons, and has the potential to generate stress and conflict, especially for your teen girl.
Here are a few suggestions for navigating the summer months with your teen girl:
1. Let her be part of the decision making
Although you’ve most likely made many of the arrangements for the summer, find areas where you can be flexible and give your daughter the opportunity to make decisions and take ownership of the activities you will be doing as a family and that she will be doing as an individual. Depending on her age, it might be choosing a place to eat, or what movie to watch, or if she is older, what trainings she would like to do, or what summer job she wants to take on. This will allow her to express her need for control and independence.
2. Bond with your daughter
This is a great time of year to spend some quality time with your daughter. Use the opportunity to teach her how to prepare a family recipe, create a new tradition together, or just go out for some ice cream. It’s rare to have time when you are both off, so make that extra effort to spend some one on one time.
3. Give her some alone time
Whether you are spending the summer home or going away, your teen girl needs some alone time to decompress. Family demands can be especially difficult when you are a teen. Trying to live up to everyone’s expectations, cabin fever, and intense family time can sometimes lead to conflicts and misunderstanding. If there is tension among other members of your family, your daughter can most likely feel it, even though she may not be aware of the details. Giving her time to take a break will benefit everyone.
4. Volunteer as a family
The summer is an excellent time to give back to those in need. Local soup kitchens, old age homes, food banks and hospitals are always in need of a helping hand. You can also get involved with a toy drive or adopt-a-family-in-need program, or raise money for a cause close to your heart. There is endless research that shows how volunteering can change perspective, develop awareness, appreciation, responsibility and more. Choosing to volunteer as a family makes it clear what your family values are. Just make sure to plan this ahead, and contacting your local charity or shelter in advance for their volunteer policies.
I would like to leave you with one last thought. The summer is a great time to strengthen your connection with your daughter. There are multiple opportunities to engage, taking the time to have meaningful conversations. This is something that can sometimes be challenging when involved in our regular routine. If you’re trying to connect with your daughter and she does not seem eager to engage with you, I would like to encourage you to consider the following. Find an adult that you trust who can be a mentor to your daughter. It’s important to help your daughter find someone who she can talk to about the things that she does not seem comfortable discussing with you. Even when you have a positive relationship, most teens are reluctant or unwilling to share certain things with their parents – can you remember holding back from your parents when you were a teen? Consider ways to guide her toward someone who could be the right mentor for her.
Hope you are having a wonderful communications filled summer!
Much Love and Support
Tova
