Its that time of year again. The holiday lights are up, the music is playing in every store telling us this is a time of joy and celebration.

I love watching the lights set up on the trees lighting up the early darkness and the holiday fairs on every corner in NYC.

This is a time of year when we get to spend time with family, for me living far away from my family it is mostly a time when I miss their presence. For many of the mothers I meet in my work this time of year is one full of mixed emotions. Planning for the holidays, spending a lot of time with immediate and extended family can be a great blessing and can also be very stressful.

Often when we spend time together the good and the bad get magnified.

This is a time when our relationships are highlighted. Challenges we may be having in our relationships that on a regular day might be easily ignored or brushed off, when we are spending a lot of time in the same space can be magnified and no longer ignored.

This is often a time when you have a chance to see what is really happening in your family. What does your communication look like? Do you enjoy each other’s company? Are you and your partner on the same page when it comes to parenting? Is your daughter really doing well?

Use this time to do a little family easement. Check in first with yourself. How are YOU doing? Where do you need more support and where do you feel you have it covered? Who can you reach out to and what support system do you have?

Then check with your partner and family. How are they? What going well, what could use more support? What resources is it time to bring in to keep things on track?

I encourage you over the next few weeks while kids are home from school and you are hopefully taking some vacation from work, to take the time to touch base with everyone the surrounds you, evaluate where you are, where you want to be and start taking action in the right direction.

The time is NOW, don’t wait another, day, moth, year and just hope things will get better on their own.

An exercise you can do with your family goes like this:

Put up a big post it note on the wall, one for each family member.

Have everyone (this includes you) write down at the top of the page 5 things they are really proud of about themselves, which they have accomplished in the last year. Then take turns writing on each others post it notes 5 things you are proud / love about each other.

When you finished with this round, have each family member write 3 things they would like to work on. Once you are all ready, each person should brainstorm 3 resources that can help them to reach each one of their goals.

Now, take turns looking at each others post it notes, and commit on each family members post it, to one way that you can help them with one of their goals (or more if you wish)

This will give you a great way, to both get a chance to reflect on what it is that you are doing well, get feedback from others, set some new goals and reflect on where you need help, and commit to being supportive of each other.

Try it out and let me know how it goes, was it easy? Hard?

Much Love and a Happy Chanukah and happy holiday season to everyone!

Tova