A few days ago, I got a call from one of my 12 year old clients, who we will call Debbie, that started with “We have serious girl problems!”. I was not sure what to expect, but soon it became clear. She had gotten her period a few months back, and was still trying to deal with this new part of her life. As can happen with young girls, she was getting her period on a cycle of every two and half to three weeks. This was overwhelming, to say the least, for a girl on the verge of womanhood. She had an accident and was feeling embarrassed.
This is not surprising. I too would have been embarrassed. With her words, I found myself back at age 12, shortly after I got my first period. I was on a three day trip with my scout troop. We were hiking during the day, and sleeping on school floors at night. No showers or clean toilets, and back then, pads were the size of diapers. A nightmare for a young girl who was just learning to navigate this experience called her period. I remember what it felt like, trying to hide what was going on for everyone, and feeling dirty and uncomfortable.
As I was talking to Debbie, I made sure to connect with that 12 year old girl again. The one who was new to this period thing, who still thought it was gross and not at all amusing. This allowed me to be completely present for her, and to connect to what she was feeling without judgment or the need to impart wisdom. I had my journey and she has hers. So I listened. She was sharing with me what happened and what her mother did and said. According to Debbie’s description, her mother had done a great job dealing with the situation. So where was the crisis?
After about 15 minutes, the crisis showed up. What this was really about was the loss of control. Her body suddenly had a mind of its own. She did not know when her period was coming and she was not ready. While her mother was keeping track for her, it was not in her control. She was dealing with a new reality. All of the physical, hormonal and, soul shifts were happening at once, and to top it off, she could not figure out her body’s rhythm. I made a simple suggestion. Since she had gotten an iPhone not long ago, I suggested she download a simple app to help her track her period. She could enter when it started and when it ended, and within a few short months would have an idea of when next to expect her period. This seemed to do the trick and the crisis was over.
Often, what we are originally presented with is not the real issue. Next time your daughter is having a crisis try two things:
1. Take yourself back to where she is now and remember what that felt like (whatever story you can connect to from being a teen). It will help take away the judgment and frustration, and help you shift your energy to be able connect and relate.
2. Listen carefully and allow the story to unfold. If you are patient, you will discover the second and third layers, which is usually where the real issue lays. This is a goldmine, and the key to being able to support your daughter.
My two favorite apps, which I use myself, are My Moontime and My Days – both are free and easy to use. You can put as much or as little information as you want into them- take a look.
The last thing I would like to share with you today is an exciting project I am honored to be a part of. My dear friend Mia Sanzhas brought to life a beautiful project supporting women all over the world. It is a free online magazine with articles featuring all areas supporting women in today’s world. I was honored to be asked to be one of the first contributing authors and I am excited to share this wonderful resource with you! The magazine launched yesterday. Click over now to read the very first copy www.issuu.com/bellamiamag
